Dear God help me.....

the final clothes have been washed and folded...the final teeth have been brushed...the final dishes have been washed and dried.....the final cry has been heard...the final laugh aswell....the final diaper changed.....the final pajama put on.....the final bath has been given...the final priceless smile flashed......the final good night kisses have been given and gotten....the final i love you's have been said.....the final pout been made known....the final goodbyes have been said....but just the first...tears have been cried....

yeah call me a softie if you want but on 3 occasions now i have been bawling my eyes out...first goodnight/goodbye was andres..i knew i was in trouble when the eyes were moist already....then came eswin, i held it together until i said i love you and at that point he smiled bigger than i have ever seen in my life.....now i am about to have them streaming down my face...next is jaun carlos, he has only been here a little more than a month so i regain a little stamina here ...but then follows juli and i am on the verge again...then maria.....whoa...there is no way of stopping them now....large tears streaming down and i dont bother wiping them away......took a bath to get a grip on myself only to have it all come down again when saying goodbye to marcos,jauquin and jorge......then the boys downstairs suprised me and brought a cake out and with my eyes so teary that i could hardly see, i salute them and somehow udder the words 'adios mi hijos'.......

forget my last post.....it has hit me and goodbyes still are the worst thing ever....

my song i leave with them from stellar kart.....someone loves you even when you dont think so, dont you know? you got me and Jesus. by your side through the fight, you will never be alone. dont you know? you got me and Jesus....

enough of that.....

i would just like to take the time to thank every single one of you who encouraged me, made me laugh of whatever else you did through your comments over the past year or two..i am not joking around one bit when i say that i am so thankful and unworthy of your time that you have taken to read my posts.....i am seriously baffled that people i dont even know would regularly come to my site and read up on what i was doing !! i am so grateful and would love to meet all of you one day and i trust we will, one way or another.....

but saying that i will now say this..i have had this site now for almost 2 years and tonight this crazy day for me, august 8th 2006... i am posting for the very last time...... as my life is moving to bigger and better things, i dont see xanga being apart of it, it has been my pleasure bringing you posts from the serious things God has been doing to the stupid tones aboutthe love of my life-college football ,but now with me going home and starting all over i think i will let this site rest in peace........

the only reason i am telling you all this is because there are few things i hate more than going to a site and they hav'nt posted since '88...here this way you can read this,leave a comment if you wish.....then never return......i think thats beautiful......

so in the end i guess may the gas man forever rest in peace.....

my alltime favorite quote comes from the great saint thomas aquinas -we must love them both - those who's opinions we share and those we reject. for both have labored in the search for truth and both have helped us find it................

people i once again thank you for taking the time ,for the last time and wish you the best in your life and hope that God blesses you richly and that you bless God richly......

and for the last time....

this is the part where i tip my hat,take a bow and exit stage left...and also where you give me a standing ovation....

peace to you and yours..............

my 2nd favorite quote of all time comes from francis of assisi - preach Christ at all times. if necessary use words...

our God is a provider....you know that ?? when he said that he would provide our every need and never leave us or forsake us i dont think he was joking around.....

great monday evening to all.....

its down to less than 35 hours.....

today may have been one of the best days of the past 16 months...went out for lunch with hector, one of my heros.....ate chinese..had a plateful of leftovers for supper tonight.....chop suey and chow mein....dear Lord have mercy.....it was amazing....then came homw with the kids just getting up from naps and had an awesome time outside with them.....it still has'nt set in....i never have time to think about the fact that in a little more than a day i will bid farewell to all i have known for the past 16 months...and unfortunatly i dont think it will set in until i am back home....or maybe thats a good thing....

i am filled with emotions that dont make sense..wanting to go yet wanting to stay.... so excited but yet so sad....its messed up is all.....

good-byes are pretty much the worst thing ever.....i mean seriously, how do i look at little maria who has literally been my daughter for the past year and say goodbye knowing that i will most likely never see again or her smile again ,hear her laugh when i tickle her, or when she screams my name in the morning telling me to get her out of bed.....all the sudden its setting in...=)

lets change the subject before i start crying...

my dear mother called tonight...thats always fun......kinda wierd that i'll be seeing them in like 3 days...then not for lke 3 days..then going homw to live with them....

well i dont think there is anyhting more to say really i think i''ll go make myself a smoothie then email a good friend and call it a night....but  i wish you all a very good night and be good til tomorrow.....big announcement in tomorrow nights post ...if i were you i would'nt miss it =)......

make every second count till then......

Currently Listening Chase the Sun By O.C. Supertones see related

lets try this again.....

its close enough to count the hours ....66....

my 3rd favorite quote comes from thomas jefferson - it is our lives and not our words that our religion must be read..... please take a moment and thank God for the amazing men that started our beautiful country........

so after my last post that, duplicated itself like 4 times ,i could'nt get on my site.....so thanks to my man zach for deleting them all and now all is well....i'll just watch my words a little closer.....

friday was amazing though..kids had a little program for me said a bunch of nice things about me..and made want to stay a little while longer...then yesterday was terrible...kids were nightmares and nothing went right....then this morning started off bad again and i had to just give it up....i dont like doing that but i came to the point again where i said 'God just because things are'nt going the way I want them to, does'nt mean i have to have another bad day'...and the day has been beautiful ever since.....thats when i realized that saying nothing went right yesterday was totally false...nothing went wrong...everything just went not how i wanted things to go.....and thats is all my problem........

then today is like the most beautiful day ever..just came in from sitting on the porch ,smoothie in hand...beside a blender with more smoothie.....friends it doesnt get much better than that...

then the day has also been filled will little delights like laying down with little marcos at the beginning of naptime and him putting his face so close i could smell the hot dog on his breath........or like the fact that i am still in the same clothes i slept in last night....or like the nice 'constant coughing' from the kids....i've got about 3 runny noses and 3 coughers right now.....but even with all the crying....sore teeth....runny noses....poopy diapers....wet beds......responsibility.......and coughing.....life is still so beautiful.........because i am so,so,so blessed....

good night till tomorrow my dear friends.....you are loved......

1999 and the stakes is high.
Our options have come down
to either we do or we die.
We need You now more than ever.
Pull out all of the strife in the church,
get us together.
Is time running out?
I can't say I do know.
We have one day less
than we did yesterday.
So it's up to us to unite,
You wanna fight the power?
You need the power to fight.

And can we sing with one voice,
if we all love the same God?
Can we agree to disagree?
And so we cry with one voice
to the only God in all the universe-
who holds us in His hands.

No more time
for us to bicker and complain,
If we're called by the same name,
there's nowhere for us to lay the blame,
except for ourselves.
And if we died to our old selves
we've come alive as God's flesh,
that makes us family.
Deeper than death,
but we don't act so tight
when there's a back to bite.
Are we less like a family, and
more like a fistfight?
Are we there, but not quite
are hypocrites children of light

need i say more ?

thank you oc supertones..